By Neil Cannon, Ph.D., Certified Sex Therapist
As a sex therapist and couples counselor I spend many a day and night listening to women talk about what they find attractive and unattractive in men. Rather than discuss what women say they want, however, I thought it might help some men if we look instead at what women don’t want. Based on my clinical experience, here are 10 sexual Buzz Kills for women.
Men who smell like butt: Most women just aren’t that into it. I have yet to hear a woman who has declined an offer for sex because her partner came to bed smelling fresh and clean. Sometimes life is as simple as taking a shower.
Men who don’t listen: The male species has a tendency to want to problem-solve, and what women really want is to be heard. Ask questions and be curious about her. Women tell me that when a man listens to her, it is very sexy — the ultimate foreplay so to speak!
Men who are not trustworthy: People want to feel safe regardless of gender. Being physically safe is a big part of it of course. However, being emotionally safe is every bit as important when having sex because it is such a vulnerable state. If your partner can’t trust you out of bed, why should she trust you in bed?
Men who don’t like children: Women are attracted to men who are kind to animals and children. Be kind to the minimum wage worker at the fast food restaurant who got your order wrong, and she’ll feel safe you will always be kind to her as well.
Men who are fuddy-duds: Women love men who have a good sense of humor. Laughter is not only the best medicine, but it is a sure-fire aphrodisiac. When it comes to attracting women, a great smile is way more important than a great car. (Both of course are ideal).
Men who dress poorly: You don’t need to spend a lot of money to dress in a way that is attractive to women. Women just want a little style.
Men who criticize her family: It is okay for her to knock her mom. However, it is definitely not okay for you to speak badly of mother. Some women want to be just like their mother. For other women, being like their mother is their worst nightmare. Either way guys — try to remember that just because you have thoughts, you don’t actually have to say them all out loud.
Men who are overly cocky: Women love confident men. Women don’t like arrogance. You don’t need to do anything more than be yourself in order to be sexy. There is a partner for everyone.
Men who don’t like cats: I predict that when the 2010 census is tallied, the study will indicate that there are less than 100 single women in all of America that don’t have at least one cat. Learn to love kitties!
Men who are unmotivated: You don’t have to be rich to be sexy. However, do be clear that women don’t dig lazy. The good news for you is that, unlike your physical appearance, you can change everything you do from this point forward.
About the Author
Dr. Cannon is a certified sex therapist and couples counselor who holds a master’s degree in public health, as well as a doctorate in Human Sexuality. In addition to leading his practice in Denver, Colo., he teaches sexual diversity, attitudes and behavior at the post graduate level; serves as an expert witness; provides diversity training to corporations and is the co-host of The Sex & Intimacy Show – a weekly radio show in Denver. You can view his website at www.doctorcannon.com or reach him directly at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Dr. Cannon is a regular contributor to the AccessRx.com blog. You can read his other blog entries on his main page.