June 15, 2010

By Neil Cannon, Ph.D., Certified Sex Therapist

Even though Tiger is seemingly out of the woods with his media blitz, “sex addiction” remains a hot topic. Sex sells, and the media loves catchy labels.

Truth is, there’s no such thing as “sex addiction” in the clinical sense. However, there are people who act out sexually with compulsive and sometimes obsessive behavior. It is common for these same people to keep sexual secrets from their significant other, and that’s where things become particularly problematic.

Defining Sex Addiction and Sexually Compulsive Behavior

It’s important for someone seeking treatment to understand the difference between “sex addiction” and sexually compulsive behavior in order to know what type of treatment will suit them best.

Sex isn’t something humans become addicted to. By definition, people who are addicted to something have withdrawal symptoms when they abruptly stop the addictive behavior. Tobacco, alcohol, and caffeine are all examples of addictive substances that each have specific withdrawal symptoms.

On the other hand; eating, shopping, and being sexual are examples of behaviors that people can become compulsive about, but not addicted to. By way of example, alcoholics who stop drinking can experience withdrawal symptoms called Delirium Tremens (commonly known as DTs).

On the other hand, people who stop looking at Internet porn do not experience physical withdrawal symptoms. This is an important distinction when you consider your alternatives for treatment.

Treatment Options

The fundamental decision for those seeking treatment is to decide whether they want to follow the sex addiction model or a compulsive behavior model for healing.

Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) has helped millions of alcoholics and their families. When it comes to substance abuse, abstinence is the goal and AA is a proven treatment approach. On the other hand, sexual activity is not something that most people are seeking to abstain from.

In at least one of the popular 12-step programs for “sex addiction,” the definition of sobriety is “no sexual activity unless it is between a married man and a married woman, with no masturbation for the rest of your life.” That approach has helped many people. I have many clients who attend 12-step support groups and see me for individual counseling and couples counseling.

Alternative to 12-Step Programs

Like many other certified sex therapists, however, I treat the situation as a compulsive behavior and carefully tailor the treatment plan to the client. My approach is non-judgmental, supportive, and systemic. By systemic I mean that we treat the couple as well as the individual.

In our work together, you won’t hear terms like sober, sobriety or addict. I don’t believe it’s necessary for most people to go through the rest of their life with the shame of having been labeled a “sex addict.” The idea is to help people transform, heal and regain control of their lives so that sex can be enjoyed in a healthy manner.

Each client is different, and therefore I work with the individual and/or couple accordingly. Some people are one click away from losing their job, spouse or partner. My goal is to provide my clients with new behavioral tools during their very first session in order to help support them in changing the undesirable behavior, and to start creating a new life that is free of sexual shame and guilt.

For more information about sexually compulsive behavior, you can visit my website.

Read more insightful sexuality articles from Dr. Cannon on AccessRx.