By Dr. Neil Cannon, Certified Sex Therapist
A couple I was working with this time last year was seeing me because they had a gap in their sexual desire. He wanted more sex than she did. Neither of them was right or wrong, they simply had a gap to close.
In the case of this couple, the holidays were making matters worse. During one session, the woman told me that she was too busy shopping, cooking, partying, decorating and baking to have sex. “And if that’s not enough,” she said, “my in-laws will be with us.”
It’s easy to have a “no sex, low sex” holiday if that’s what you and your partner really want. On the other hand, if you’d like more intimacy in your relationship, there is no better time than the holidays to get started. The holidays are filled with romantic energy if you take the time to soak it all in. The holidays are a great way to create more passion, be more connected, bring you closer and leave you feeling more intimate as you go into the New Year.
Here are 10 simple and quick tips for better holiday sex and intimacy…
1. Make sex a priority. Being intentional about sex is the first step toward getting what you want. Spontaneous sex is wonderful. However, spontaneous sex plus planned sex will get you more sex during the busy holiday season.
2. Have at least one conversation every day with your partner about sex. Collaborate and conspire as to when and where your next sexual adventure will occur.
3. Break your sexual pattern. Long, seductive nights while watching the snow fall can be wonderful, but don’t forget the quickies. That’s what God made mistletoe for!
4. Be giving. We all know that it’s better to give than to receive.
5. Watch romantic holiday movies “together.” Do a Google search for “romantic holiday movies” and you won’t be able to keep your hands off each other. And yes, men, it is okay to cry during Bridget Jones Diary.
6. Get rid of your “to do” lists and enjoy the holiday preparations together. Stop and smell the pine needles.
7. Go easy on food and drink. It is easy to over-indulge during the holidays and, unfortunately, feeling stuffed doesn’t generally make for a sexy night.
8. Get creative. If you have family over or are staying with someone else, that doesn’t mean sex has to be off the table. It just means you might want to keep your sexual yodeling turned down a bit. Turning the volume up on the radio isn’t a bad idea either if grandma is sleeping in the room next to you.
9. Do something silly and sexy. Have you ever had sex with an elf? How about Mrs. Clause? I hear she can be quite naughty.
10. Finally, your prescription for the holidays is one hot, steamy, five-second kiss at least two times per day. What a great reminder that you and your partner are always first in each other’s lives. After all, ‘tis the season to be sexy!
About the Author
Dr. Cannon is a certified sex therapist and couples counselor who holds a master’s degree in public health, as well as a doctorate in Human Sexuality. In addition to leading his practice in Denver, Colo., he teaches sexual diversity, attitudes and behavior at the post graduate level; serves as an expert witness; provides diversity training to corporations and is the co-host of The Sex & Intimacy Show – a weekly radio show in Denver. You can view his website at www.doctorcannon.com or reach him directly at firstname.lastname@example.org.