Interview with Dr. Carol Doss, Author and Therapist

August 20, 2010

This interview is one in a series of expert interviews on the AccessRx.com blog. We add new interviews on a regular basis. Please see our complete list of insightful interviews

1. You specialize in family counseling. In what ways have the dynamics of the family unit changed in the past twenty years? Ten years?

Twenty years ago, families were more often made up of married couples with kids. A growing number of divorced women were raising kids on their own, often without financial or emotional support. In the last ten years, the configuration of “family” has undergone big changes and we see a bunch more variety. Multiple marriages have left partners, ex-partners, half-siblings and step-children. In addition, there are same-sex parents of children. Unmarried men and women who cohabitate and raise kids. More individuals and couples are also choosing to remain child-free than was common even ten years ago. It’s a changing, shifting landscape of relationships.

2. In that same vein, how have marriages changed in the past twenty or ten years?

Although the marital configurations have changed, relationships haven’t really. We still struggle with communication and most are still lousy with conflict-resolution. Marriage now more often involves two working adults and men are more involved with child care, although the bulk of this remains women’s work. The headlines about men and parenting too often hide this fact.

Infidelity is an on-going problem for both genders.

3. In your opinion, do today’s children have harder lives than their parents did? Grandparents? Why or why not?

I don’t really think that today’s children have it harder than their parents. It’s just different. In the past, unhappy couples stayed together to “raise the kids” and because women had fewer options. We still struggle to maintain happy relationships, but individuals don’t feel they have to stay in an unhappy marriage.

Kids have more gadgets, which can be both good and bad. The biggest change is in the nature of “work” and how people engage in making a living. These changes require a shift in relationships, but the basic interaction seems to be about the same.

4. If there were one tip (or three) you would give to expectant parents, what would it be?

The parental relationship is the foundation of the family. This is crucial and too often overlooked. Deal with the conflicts. Don’t think they’ll just go away. Unresolved issues in the parental unit always—always—affect the kids.

Come to an agreement on how you’ll discipline kids. Parents too often focus on how they’ll decorate the nursery and what to name Junior, without taking the time to work out the really big stuff. Child care. Parental responsibilities. What they each expect of the other. Even religious upbringing and spending time with the grandparents. That kind of thing is generally forgotten until the kid is sitting between the two of you and you’re tearing your hair out.

5. What is the best way for today’s families to achieve and maintain balance? How can each member of the family retain their individuality, but be an active and contributing member of the family unit?

Balance is achieved by both parents pitching in and taking full responsibility for the offspring. Chores can be divided up by ability and preference. Some chores will be disliked by you both and you’ll need to share the irritating tasks. My husband and I hated to look for babysitters. We’d play the “But you’re so much better at it than I am” card. Just face it, some things suck.

In a functional family unit, individual’s individuality is prized. You want each other to thrive and succeed, even if that calls for sacrifices. At the same time, it’s important to have an overall balance. One parent may be deep into college or graduate school and that will naturally make her less available to chore-sharing, but when the school or job demand lets up, she gets to carried her half. If this let-up never comes, you have a problem that’ll eat at the foundation of a relationship.

About Dr. Carol Doss: Family-Counseling.org DrCarolDoss.blogspot.com

A Licensed Professional Counselor with over twenty-five years experience in the non-profit sector, Dr. Carol Doss works with a variety of clients. She encourages individuals to take control of their lives by enabling them to direct their own thoughts, feelings and behavior, thus experiencing personal power. Developing healthy, happy relationships with mates and children can be the most difficult challenges we face…and the most important.

Carol’s goal is to help adults and children discover their strengths and release their inner potential which leads to the creation of stronger relationships and greater success in life overall. Carol brings a unique perspective to the counseling process. Understanding individuals from their own viewpoints enables her to better assist in the situations they face. Human interaction brings the greatest learning. She credits her thirty-two year marriage and her co-parenting of her two grown daughters with her greatest education.

She has a Ph.D. in counseling and is Clinical Director at Family Counseling Center, in Fort Worth, Texas. As Clinical Director, Dr. Doss is an approved LPC Supervisor and works with LPCi interns. All her significant endeavors—grad school, marriage, parenting and writing—have taught me that perseverance and hard work add up to success.

Her book, Should I Leave Him?, was published in April, 2010.

One Response to Interview with Dr. Carol Doss, Author and Therapist

Herbert Kikoy says:

August 20, 2010 at 7:34 pm

Keeping families sturdy today is one amongst our main concerns as a nation. Before we have a tendency to will have a world crammed with individuals who genuinely care for one another, we must have countries, states, cities, and rural areas populated by caring folks. Where will this a lot of- hoped for mushrooming impact begin? Why in the family of course.

Robust family bonds create a secure haven for all who are half of it. It sets the instance of how the globe should be. It creates people who care regarding others.When 2 folks discover they love every alternative enough to marry and raise a family, the sensation of wanting out for someone else and caring concerning their happiness is born. If they’re lucky, they have grown up themselves feeling loved and appreciated. The individual might have been secure within the data they were deeply cared for by their parents. They searched out a mate who felt the very same means regarding people. As robust as they were as an individual, currently the couple has increased in strength as they joined their mate with a standard goal. To care for every alternative and promote that feeling in others.

Kids born to this couple are fortunate since they also receive the goodness that comes from knowing people who love you dearly conjointly protect you. Their childhood is happy. Youngsters feel secure as part of a sturdy family unit. This will increase their self-esteem, that enables them to grow into a well-adjusted human being. The emotions they become older with are ready to share with others when they reach adulthood. It’s straightforward seeing them become nice spouses and parents.

In the community, these families are the guiding influence that promotes progress. They are the oldsters who tirelessly fight for people’s rights. They volunteer to help those in need. These are the people who works toward positive changes for academic, religious and political issues. When this forward thinking family transfers its information and good deeds to several folks and places, other families are inspired. Soon, this family is duplicated throughout the community. The effect of individuals who care concerning others and their family values spreads until it reaches outward and upward to the highest levels. People who arm themselves with good ideas can sit on committees and influence their representatives until their efforts lead to applicable change. This sense of concern regarding how laws and events have an effect on everyone will cross miles, cultures, and time. Once we care concerning our fellow man, we see the embryonic starting of world peace. In our mind it’s a place where the only race the population sees is that the human race. This Utopia sees man helping man and a real love of thy neighbor. Compassion and understanding are widespread.

Once this feeling overtakes people, the Family of God gains as much significance as our family of birth. It’s a foreign dream, but one that’s attainable if we preserve and promote the traditional family with two strong oldsters who feel raising their children is their most precious responsibility.